Rediscover Joys of Life!

The end of the project

2006-05-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

My project will be ending tomorrow. The entire assignment went very well as it was planned and the results were as expected, but I yet feel bad since our group of 5 people is going to split up. I feel so attached to them though I was the last one to join the project . We all were getting along great together and worked fine as a team. My present manager is a wonderful lady –an achiever in every sense, a perfect role model and am going to miss her the most. She took immense care of all of us in the team.

Next Monday we all report back to the corporate and will be assigned our new projects. All of us shall go to different places and be part of new teams.

Hopefully we all will meet again, work together, another time for another project.

More people to meet, more things to learn!!

Unfocussed Kids trying to sound ..............

2006-04-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I hate and loathe it when foolish immatured kids try to sound american with words like wotcha , eh, gonna, wanna, gotcha, jeez and phrase their sentences to sound american...cool you know! They are like dhobhis...in the end.

These clones bare no responsibility...after all they all belong to the creative line!!! They are different from the rest...you know special ones.

Most of these people are working in call centers and are on receiving end of alot of irate calls . Not to forget they make a total fool of themselves also. As people get laid off in call centers all the time. They cant even do such simple tasks.

Now why do they work in call centers ? They work in call centers because their fed-up parents have stopped providing them money. Why cant they get a decent education to get a lucrative job? No they wont...coz they all want to be writers, designers, actors. NO sense of responsibility. They basically want to live of their parents money and blame the whole world that no one understands their arty feelings..creative feelings...basically dumb feelings. They do not want to do anything in life, just sit in front of the mirror if they aspire to become an actress. Click pictures of rejected already worthless things, then call it art--I mean abstract art. Reality is that no one wants to look at them.
Then they want to become designers...their clothes wont be sold on the road side stalls also!! After all even common man has some good taste. And what takes the cake....all want to become writers...my foot....no stable education....faking their english to sound posh ...and writers...hell..their books wont be taken for free. These days people have no place to keep trash in their houses.

They can sit on their couch , work on their american accents which sounds hopeless anyway, reminds me of Salman-- total fake. His life is a good example for all if 'em' (them).

There can only be a few Arundhati Roys , Shobha Des, Manish Malhotras and Rohit Bals in a huge crowd. Not every tom, dick, harry and harriets can be like them . They are not even a shade of their shadows. Though these days they are there by the dozen.

PS: read my profile, am part of that mission too , registered legal one who enjoys some uses. Now go search . For all the email you sent, it may come to me in the end to take some action. What a coincidence -its a small world. Dont worry will send it back to you as a memoir. What is that...a slap that is not heard hurts more. You and your gang of S--goons and their lovers can do anything, I wont get affected.

Dowry-a deplorable practice

2006-04-15T00:41:00.000-07:00

A few years back on the third day of my post grad class, during introductions we had to say a bit about ourselves & background education. When Vineet’s turn came, he said he was from a business oriented family (something was obvious), our Professor asked "Vineet why do you have to do post grad course, get married, take dowry, be secured easily and enjoy life”. Vineet retorted “Sir, with a graduate degree my value is only in lakhs but with a post grad degree my value will increase to kokhas”.

Yes, this was my classmate who was so blunt, spent 2 years with him in group activities, presentations, research etc. I realized that he was clear with his thoughts & goals.

Dowry is the closely interlinked to many crimes committed against women - ' female infanticide, domestic violence, neglect of the girl child, denial of educational and career opportunities to daughters, rape, extortion, homicide-bride burning, and discrimination' against women to name a few. .

Given the lack of any news about dowry deaths, dowry violence or dowry demands, one would have thought that the problem had disappeared. Far from it. In fact, it has become far more ingrained and taken new forms. Dowry is a symptom of a deeper disease that relates to how our society values women.

Dowry is one of those social practices which no educated Indian would own up with pride, although many still adhere to this much deplorable practice. Dowry continues to be given and taken . Even among the educated sections of society, dowry continues to form an essential part the negotiations that take place in a marriage.

Some of the latest statistics http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4837122.stm that states that 15000 women have been conned in the state of Punjab alone this year in dowry fraud.

Earlier, families ensured that proper lists and accounts were prepared and the groom's family was made to sign the list of things they received while the dowry itself was put on display for all the relatives to take note of, so there were numerous witnesses to the transaction. Today, for arrant reasons no lists are signed and most of the giving and receiving is veiled in secrecy and made known only between the 2 parties.

This despite the fact that in the last two decades, the anti dowry laws have been made very stringent and draconian. Many interpret the failure of these laws to lessen dowry demanding & torture, as a sign of their poor implementation. Because the conviction rate is too low that results in the culprit going scot free & justice denied to the victim.

Innumerable brides in India are constantly under harassment in their matrimonial homes because their fathers have fallen behind in the payment of endless dowry installments, or the dowry she did bring to her husband is regarded as too meager.
Imagine the plight of a young woman, newly wed into an unfamiliar environment, and surrounded by those she has only just met, who regard her as a means to an end, little more than a device by which to enrich themselves. She knows only too well that a bride may be killed for lack of dowry ... she too must have heard the same stories we've all heard ... but she does not know what to do. She may have overheard her in-laws, even her own husband, talk casually about harassing her, and sometimes contemplate even killing her! The kind of fear that instills in a person is beyond anyones ability to comprehend, its mental torture. It isn't even fear, it is terror.

Domestic violence is on the rise and many of these are caused by inadequate dowry. Brute force is used to establish power relations in the family whereby women are taught and conditioned to accept a slave status because she didn’t fulfill dowry demands . Domestic violence is a way of trying to get women to believe that they can only live at men's mercy & is a burden. It is often committed by men with low self-esteem who destroy a woman's sense of self worth because they feel inadequate to cope with a woman who thinks and acts as a free human being with a mind of her own.
Verbal abuse is also on the rise thus leading to mental torture by undervaluing or devaluing the contribution of household work to the family. Disrespectful speech or behavior towards wife's family for shortcomings in the marriage contract (inability to meet expectations of wedding or post-wedding gifts).
Female foeticide is a direct consequence of dowry .

What I have observed, heard & seen, and is really appalling that domestic violence exists in urban regions as well amongst the educated middle & upper class on a huge scale. The reason it goes unreported or is hushed up because the women are too embarrassed to admit that they are victims of domestic violence .

But does it get them anywhere? Does it better their situation? Why won't she assert her legal rights & make use of it? Why won't the women report the cases to the police when there are adequate laws to take care of it?

If dowry demands are deemed to be NOT satisfied, the groom's family will treat the bride in one of the following ways
Extreme - the bride will be subjected to extreme forms of torture, both physically and emotionally, which may include beating and infliction of physical pain, that may result in her death or permanent physical handicap.
Severe - the bride will be threatened with dismal consequences including divorce and physical abuse, and will have to bear with the insults slung at her parents. Emotional slander can also be cast indirectly by constant fault finding with her inadequacy to meet the expectations of the husband and his family.
Harsh - The bride is reminded of her inadequacies and faced with complaints about her parents. In some cases, pressure is created on her and her parents to meet the demands subsequently.

Some ways to help women to take action against & stop dowry harassment is to ensure educational and career opportunities for themselves thus enabling them to become financially independent, strong, assertive & self confident to live a dignified & secured life.
Ensure her safety from the discernible threats she is expected to get to take back her case and provide adequate counseling with with an integral support system in place.
More helplines/orgs to be formed for women to come forward and report any atrocities inflicted on her.
To have more strict anti-dowry laws/domestic laws with stern unyielding consequences that no one should even dare think of dowry. Law should be so fool proof that dowry demander should regret the day he asked for it.

Lately dowry practice seems to have increased alarmingly as some people have their own hidden vested interests....A long way to go till we get rid of this practice to Save Families & Women from this abuse/terror/torture.

Information/statistical data were taken from the following sources:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/4808200.stm
http://southasia.oneworld.net/article/view/129495/1/63
www.indiatogether.org/women/dowry/pledge.htm

Please....No Reservations!!!

2006-04-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

When I first heard about reservations way back I was in school then, I hardly paid attention to it and what was explained to me that it was for the upliftment of the some castes. Well well well!!

Fast forward 10years...

Scene 1: I was preparing for CETs and had got all the relevant brochures. Was reading how all the seats are neatly divided amongst all classes. Yet it was all theoretical to me and little did I fathom that practical experience was going to be tough!!

Scene 2: CET results were out on a friday evening, got a good triple digit score and was on cloud nine as was expecting to get into my choice of college.

Scene 3: Monday morning I'm accompanied by my father to go the college for my admissions only to be informed that all general category students are suppose to come after 2 days since as of today only reservation quotas would be filled. I did not understand what the guy was talking or saying.

Slowly when things were falling into place and it dawned to me what the reservations was actually all about. It was the worst day of my life, I felt let down , felt unwanted by my own country , the policies sucked and I was miserable to the core. I felt brain drain was justified.

I managed to get admission in a decent college and complete my course.

All my school life I was taught that we were all equal irrespective of caste, creed and religion. I believed it all along. But on the day of admission I felt discarded, rejected and was treated unequally.

Some observations:
a) All general category students in my class always did well in academics. (of course they too had felt the same as I had during the admission process-it was no secret)
b) By the time we reached our second year, most reserved class students had given up as they had not faired up to the mark . They left the course. What a waste of the precious seat.

The same has been observed by my friends from different professional courses that by the time one moves to higher classes, people who have misused the opportunity and taken the back door entry aren't able to complete the course. Even if they do, its a struggle.

The reason behind reservations doing the rounds for years is to create equal growth opportunities for all irrespective of caste, creed and religion.

Growth does not mean, giving an unmerited admission, it means to raise the level aptitude, which does not seem to happen because they have been given the easier way.

There is already a reservation system in place in IITs, IIMs and colleges for SC & ST. The new proposal is to extend these reservations which will hike the overall reserved seats in these institutions to 50% . It is no coincidence that it just comes before the elections.

If students are denied seats on merit/good marks, thist is the greatest injustice since it will lead to the incredible devaluing of the country’s top institutes because eligible students will be deprived of seats based on merit, and others will be admitted based on their caste, this will greatly dilute the talents in the IITs & IIMs

I definitely feel the poor classes/minorities needs help and support from the government but by proper channels & verifications. If the government is so keen on working for the upliftment of the minority classes, it should provide students from those classes with financial assistance such as scholarships, free education, more schools in smaller cities, tutions, extra classes. But not at the cost of deserving students.

But the unfortunate irony is that the actual poor minorities are not benefiting from this quota system...its the well to do people amongst the SC/ST who are making use of these reservations—which they do not deserve to.

Also the policies should provide help to the SC/ST only in entry levels such as schools ...not throughout the high school and professional courses. In view of the fact that in school they have got the same education/platform as the general category… so why should they again re-use the quota while applying for competitive exams? Why should they use their status once again while applying for government jobs? In every level they have been using these privileges.

Thus our current law not only lets them get a concession to enter, but also gives them life long benefits and allows them to get promoted before others even if they are not as competent or skilled as the other people. Isn't this a case of undue fortification of one section of society?

What kind of incentive system is this, which provides for lifetime assistance/ privileges without asking for people to even work hard for the benefits?

But with time these slots have been misused highly to suit ones advantage (and the actual poor/minorities who may need it never get a chance).

So according to me, a)the financial status /backgound of a candidate should be the criterion of reservation if any, and that too with a proper verification mechanism in place.

b)And such benefits should be given at school entry level only (not in every phase)

The corporate world too has come down heavily on this proposal by saying that there ought to be other methods to provide for the minorities for their growth & development.

IITans have started this online petition to be forwarded to the president opposing the reservation thus stating their protest: http://www.petitiononline.com/No_Quota/petition.html

Spectacular sight

2006-04-02T18:25:00.000-07:00

I received this awesome picture in my mail. Isn't it a magnificent vision!

Whether we have to say good morning or goodnight, come to a decision after seeing this picture. I yet can't make out.

What do you all perceive it as?

The Altruistic Nurturer--the Home Maker

2006-03-27T21:08:00.000-08:00

People who are doing well in life are generally measured by the following criteria ie independent, successful at work, educated, professional, and self-sufficient. These are the standards whereby we measure "success" and people with these characteristics are what we regard as "intelligent" as opposed to "uneducated."

However, careful analysis reveals that the woman of the house fulfills the following roles :

She has to be a wife to her husband.
She has to be a mother to her children.
She is a daughter to her father, who is earliest to reach out if something happens to her father.
She is a teacher, teaching her children between right and wrong.
She is a tutor, assisting with homework.
She is a psychologist, using her intellect in daily struggles with husband and children.
She is a counselor, counseling the children when a bully hits them.
She is an accountant, budgeting the household expenses.
She is a chef, preparing the meals.
She is a tailor, restoring clothes.
She is a driver, ferrying the kids to and from school.
She is a buyer and store clerk, ensuring that all basic necessities are in the house.
She is a switchboard operator, answering the phone.
She is a receptionist, answering the door and receiving guests and visitors.
She is a waitress, feeding everyone at mealtime before she feeds herself.

And most important if the family is faced by some financial calamity, she too is the one who goes out to earn some money to make ends meet and still also does all the above.

Considering the above multi-faceted roles of women as wives & mothers & sisters in society, it really surprises me when a woman is asked what job she has, and her archetypal reply is "Oh, I don't work. I just sit at home. I'm a housewife."

Housewife indeed! This "housewife" is actually the CEO, the general manager of the house. She ensures that everything runs efficiently & on time. She is one person who does things selflessly placing her family members needs before hers all the time.

She is infact the Home Maker.

On the few occasions when things do not go as expected, she is liable to be blamed by accusing that she didn’t take care of their house, she could not keep the family together, she’s being irresponsible etc etc.

But how often have we informed these same altruistic women about the times when things do go well?

How often do we give compliments?

Do we counsel gently and encourage wisely?

or do we take it for granted and assume that "there is no point talking to her ? after all she is just a woman and expected to do everything."

It keeps me going….

2006-03-14T14:56:00.000-08:00

Sometime ago I faced some of the most turbulent times of my life. I couldn't believe that this was my life and it would take such a shape!! Oh…life changed so drastically and I couldn't recognize it myself. I've always been very meticulous and well planned, as I kind of don’t like unwelcomed turn of events. But life had surprises for me that I had to accept and there was no turning back. So when I faced some calamities, most of the principles that I use to proudly claim to stand by were put to test. Am glad to say that I passed with flying colors. It was hard though!

I explained to myself that problems were necessary to help me become stronger and stronger, and to grow. Life is nothing but the process of growing from what we are to what we have to become. So whatever I had to endure was for a purpose and a good one at that. Taught me some new values and made me think hard about my actions.

Now that the phase is behind me I kind of know some of the anwers as to why it happend to me and there was a reason. And today am content and life couldn't be better.

My friends tell me that I passed through the entire worst phase with my dignity intact. Of course I thank them for their support and the unconditional love of my parents. When I was young I always fanaticized life would be so and so...and normal. Bad things cant happen to me. How innocent I was or is it naive!! But little did I realize that someday I'd have to face it myself and nature would put me to the grind as well.

Well no matter what, I had faith and that’s what kept me going. I had faith that things would change for the better. It had to. To have faith when faith is possible is not really faith. Faith is the ability to believe in the impossible. It is faith, which makes the impossible possible. It keeps me going….

It keeps me going….

Relationship Karma

2006-03-13T18:18:00.000-08:00

To my love, with all my love

I definitely believe that ‘relationship karma’ operates in all our relationships and begins in each life with childhood family interactions. And from there on we learn the basic functions of relationships.

Soul groups or soul mates are people we instantly feel familiar with, and we have this unique sense of connection stemming from a previous life or lives either in a positive or negative setting. Sometimes when we meet someone we feel a deep sense of connection already, that cant be explained. But its there and the feeling just wont go away. When we are in love and found a perfect partner, we feel that we know this person from years, though we may have just met. Soulmates are two people who are extremely compatible on most levels. The connection is usually extensive, spanning several lives and for the most part positive. These experiences and connections happen to provide opportunities to develop the qualities and characteristics we are most in need of.

I would like to site my own experience with it. When I met my love I felt I knew him from many years, we had so much in common and he understood me so well. We instantaneously bonded on so many levels and I felt that he knew things about me that I never mentioned to him. I sensed that he was the missing link in my life and his presence made me feel absolute, just wonderful. The distinctive part was that when we spoke about our childhood to each other or specific phases of our teenage years, we had more or less encountered the same experiences at different places with different set of people. There were amazing coincidences in our separate encounters to a particular situation, shared the same feelings and there were just no explanations!!

Our soul mates or groups have generally shared many experiences with us and know us well. All these contacts and relationships are usually intensely emotional, and some of them can conjure up strong feelings either positive or negative all for a purpose. All is for a growth, development and evolution.

lots of love...you taught me how to love, your love.

Source: Michael Millet

Love my job

2006-03-10T16:19:00.000-08:00

Oh...it feels so wonderful when one gets a good job that one is looking out for since quite sometime. After years of patience to build the required work experience, it finally happens.

I love my new job and so far I can safely say its the best phase of my life.Touchwood! Everything at work is perfect to the T. My job requires me to meet several people all day long for different projects and the best part is am involved in crucial decision making process, that very often provides many others to thus get recruited in my company. And that makes me feel so satisfied.
I am loving it.

So am going to enjoy my weekend and you all enjoy it too:) )

Enough

2006-02-28T15:50:00.000-08:00

From my side, this is my contribution to the Blank Noise Project Blog-a-thon 2006.

When I was a young girl say 12 or 13 yrs old, I remember the first few disgusting comments and stares that were thrown at me, and I was taken aback. In simple words I was sad very sad. The stares and comments just increased and I got sadder. I shared with my friends who were experiencing the same and we went and complained to our teacher. She did give us a few pointers and guidelines how to combat it but nothing worked. And I realized that eve teasing is something I just have to deal with on a daily basis helplessly many a times by myself. Pathetic!! Suddenly I had to think a hundred times before what I wore and I would spend hours in deciding something that would attract the least vulgar comments. Because by default I would expect some.

Once someone gave me the dumbest advise that these lechers are helping me become stronger and hence I should instead be thankful to them. NO...I refuse.

Some of my friends who were very senior to me in school use to say to me: "Why are you so sensitive? You are so childish, be brave, and be strong! How will you survive in the real world with this attitude?” Yes, once upon a time, I was naive enough to be sensitive and feel miserable. They always tried to encourage me to take a stand and face it. I thank them for it, as that was a turning point.

Ttill date they are every where...buses, autos, bus stands, trains all over...they stare endlessly.

When I travel by train I love to stand by the entrance when the train is moving. I like to enjoy the moment with the wind blowing.... but there comes another train on the other side and guys waving at me as if they have known me since ages...How I wish they would fall down in their excitement but that has yet not happened. One time while standing at the entrance another girl was with me , I expressed my wild wish to her and she suggested that if we wave back at these eve teasing guys they might get an unexpected unanticipated shock and actually fall off the moving train!!!

It takes alot of courage to stand against these perpetrators all alone but its not impossible, we have to deal with the situation at the spot itself.

I would like to see a day when a woman walks down a road she should not be treated like an object but be respected like an individual, a human being.

I also have taken eve teasing silently on several occasions, outwardly silent, but every inch of my insides screaming out louder than I could ever scream . And sometimes I give back harshly and stridently to attract attention of the passerbys. Must say most of these eve teasers when confronted are nothing but the biggest cowards who run away to save their faceless faces.

Dont be silient, fight back.

Scot free

2006-02-22T16:38:00.000-08:00

Jessica's real culprits :

This was one case that was so crystal clear when it hit the news years back and for once I felt that ya ..a politicians son will be behind bars. Rich politicians son involved in a murder, in a big city, in a crowded elite social club where everyone knew each other, and numerous eyewitnesses were there to testify. A politician’s son with powerful backing, loads of money and what’s the judgment years later?? He and his hands in glove pals get acquitted because of lack of evidence. But weren’t there numerous eyewitnesses?? There were, but they all turned hostile and that’s the most devastating part of the proceedings.

Did money buy their silence thus making them hostile, or was it the fear of the rich and powerful who were out on bail?
While the rich and famous are out on bail immediately and then work on to eliminate any evidence against them so that they get off scot-free with no harm done

A women gets killed by a maniac man only because she refuses to serve him a drink???

This women’s story at least made news because she was a famous socialite and model Jessica Lal. What about those ordinary people who are victims of domestic violence and abuse at its worst?

But perhaps the most pathetic aspect of the case is the failure of society as a whole that did not come forward to testify or rise to the occasion to stand as one to fight against the criminals. And the tragic irony of all is that the witnesses were no ordinary people, they too were famous and friends of the victim. And they were her real culprits who let her down!!

I have to mention that the law enforcement system has been incapacitated to such an extent where anybody with deep pockets and right connections can get away with crime of any kind.

My heart goes out to her sister and family members at this time. May they have strength to face this situation.

Pleasant moments

2006-02-21T18:58:00.000-08:00

Every time I have visited bandstand especially during the weekends I am put off whenever I come across a hawaldar with his stick going 'tak, tak , tak...'. I can’t help but also notice the sarcastic smirk on the faces of the passersby who are jogging, taking walks etc.
Then I also come across and its a common sight to see many young college going couples holding hands and enjoying each others company as they are lost in their own world...blissfully blissfully blissfully.
Its fun to observe them, exchanging looks, the way they walk, they are so engrossed amongst themselves that we passersby actually have to make way for ourselves.... but we don’t mind at all.

What bothers me is that when I hear that 'tak, tak , tak...' and there comes this hawaldar who disturbs them from their dream world , pulls them up and asks them to walk straight- decently.

Cant these young naive teens even enjoy some of their lives pleasant moments before they enter adulthood where they have to face the burden of responsibilities and when thinking of visiting these promenades will require prior scheduling and enjoying these walks holding hands will be a thing of the past!!

What is the secret to getting them right?

2006-02-20T23:05:00.000-08:00

Relationships are one of the most difficult areas of our life. We spend most of our times analyzing them, thinking about them, working on them and fixing them. The closer the ties the harder are the challenges and more the expectation. Though giving is more apt as true love is unconditional. A good deal of our happiness and our sorrow arises from these relationships. The people nearest to us such as our parents , siblings, spouse, close friends, cousins, children and relatives are usually the source of our deepest anxieties, fears, insecurities or unhappiness , as indeed they are of joy, love, support, affirmation, comfort, solace and guidance.
If relationships are so central to our existence as human beings, if we spend so much time on them and in them, if they can, in fact, make or break us, then what is the secret to getting them right? If only we knew this, we might not only prevent much sorrow but also actually create a good deal of happiness. And we may finally find a way of being at peace with ourselves and with others and then this will hold true 'and they lived happily ever after....'

source:srcm.org

Love and Pain are as light and shadow

2006-02-19T20:48:00.000-08:00

Without pain love is not possible. Whose pain? Your pain. If you seek to love – bear pain first. If you seek to love infinitely – bear infinite pain. Because love is nothing but the other name of pain, it's not two things. To me pain is love, love is pain.

Human life cannot exist without problems. Indeed, one definition of life is that it is that which creates problems, which we have then to solve. My Guruji says "that problems are necessary to help us become stronger and stronger, and to grow". Life is nothing but the process of growing from what we are to what we have to become. In other words, it is a process of becoming. Enjoyment and Suffering or Love and Pain are as light and shadow, and go together, alternating one with the other.

We have to grow, to evolve, and this process of evolution is what we have to attend to, and take pleasure and pain as they come, and not look for them.

Everyone born in the human world has to suffer pain, misery, separation(oh God thats killing), grief—these are all parts of life, and this is what is not understood, and the lack of this basic understanding is what causes hurt! As the concept of day includes within itself night also, and one could not exist without the other, similarly life would not be life without all the pain.
And what of the lessons that pain and suffering teach us? Are they not necessary?

So you cannot have love without pain, you cannot have pain without love. And if you just go into this whole business of pain and suffering, you'll find at the base there is always love. Everything that we do, everything that we suffer in our life must be the training to bear it more and more.

Best of Luck.

source:srcm.org

Love is a quality of the heart

2006-02-16T19:44:00.000-08:00

Love is a quality of the heart! The miracle - that it brings about the transformation in the heart, changes it to what it should always have been—the embodiment of love! Very selfless! Just as the lamp shines without expecting any return for it, similarly, such a pure heart loves—and goes on loving, no matter what happens—because that is its nature, and it has no idea of any return. A person loves to the capacity of his/her heart. When the transformation is complete, the love is pure, ideal, and totally and absolutely self-less!

Love. Love so well, love so much, love so absolutely that your heart becomes capable and deserving of receiving And that is the real beauty of existence.

source:srcm.org