Monday, March 27, 2006

The Altruistic Nurturer--the Home Maker


People who are doing well in life are generally measured by the following criteria ie independent, successful at work, educated, professional, and self-sufficient. These are the standards whereby we measure "success" and people with these characteristics are what we regard as "intelligent" as opposed to "uneducated."

However, careful analysis reveals that the woman of the house fulfills the following roles :
  • She has to be a wife to her husband.
  • She has to be a mother to her children.
  • She is a daughter to her father, who is earliest to reach out if something happens to her father.
  • She is a teacher, teaching her children between right and wrong.
  • She is a tutor, assisting with homework.
  • She is a psychologist, using her intellect in daily struggles with husband and children.
  • She is a counselor, counseling the children when a bully hits them.
  • She is an accountant, budgeting the household expenses.
  • She is a chef, preparing the meals.
  • She is a tailor, restoring clothes.
  • She is a driver, ferrying the kids to and from school.
  • She is a buyer and store clerk, ensuring that all basic necessities are in the house.
  • She is a switchboard operator, answering the phone.
  • She is a receptionist, answering the door and receiving guests and visitors.
  • She is a waitress, feeding everyone at mealtime before she feeds herself.
  • And most important if the family is faced by some financial calamity, she too is the one who goes out to earn some money to make ends meet and still also does all the above.
Considering the above multi-faceted roles of women as wives & mothers & sisters in society, it really surprises me when a woman is asked what job she has, and her archetypal reply is "Oh, I don't work. I just sit at home. I'm a housewife."
Housewife indeed! This "housewife" is actually the CEO, the general manager of the house. She ensures that everything runs efficiently & on time. She is one person who does things selflessly placing her family members needs before hers all the time.
She is infact the Home Maker.


On the few occasions when things do not go as expected, she is liable to be blamed by accusing that she didn’t take care of their house, she could not keep the family together, she’s being irresponsible etc etc.

But how often have we informed these same altruistic women about the times when things do go well?
How often do we give compliments?
Do we counsel gently and encourage wisely?
or do we take it for granted and assume that "there is no point talking to her ? after all she is just a woman and expected to do everything."

23 Comments:

At 00:15, Anonymous Nidhi said...

Dear Anu

Very nice and sweet post. I always fight for the same thing if someone comment on house wives.

Generally people think that there is no major work at home, but if they notice there is so much of work in home itself, it starts from kitchen to market. On top of that, they dont even get any credit. When we go to office, atleast we see new faces, talk to office collogues. One should realize that the women who is house wife, how boring its for her to do the same job everyday all alone.

BTW nice layout.

Love
Nidhi

 
At 19:53, Anonymous Anjaan said...

Hi

nicely said.
i never appreciated when my mother did things for me till finally she use to get tired . Then i realsed that she did so much for me.

sometimes we take things for granted as we see it since childhood and do not realease the efforts that women put in everyday.

 
At 20:03, Anonymous http://ramiablogs.blogspot.com/ said...

All the work the woman does , its part of her life, it comes to her second nature!

Its interesting when all points are counted there is so much and one wonders how we manage it all.

But we do it all and some of us work full time and come home to do the chores as well. thats a double shift.

 
At 22:23, Blogger Anushka said...

Ramia, Anjaan, Nidhi

its really commendable to be able to do multitasking. In that case anyone ..whether man or woman.

bty Nidhi thanks for noticing the layout, broke my head over the template!!

cheers

 
At 07:57, Anonymous JV said...

I too have my views on this. Nidhi can vouch for my views. :)

 
At 16:14, Blogger Anushka said...

Hi JV

But you can let me now ur views too if you have something additional to share with us , that I would love to know.

:))

Anushka

 
At 20:45, Blogger nabeel said...

anushka, as they say "the most beautiful word ever spoken my the mankind is mother". as she belongs to the gender women, i really admire women a lot.do visit my blog for my views abt women. good analysis.keep going nd maintain that spirit that si with in you.

 
At 20:19, Blogger Swarup said...

"multi-faceted roles of women as wives & mothers & sisters in society"

- Would you please ask this question to National Commission of Women and our LAW maker ?

-Will they agree to that ?

As per them a women means only a daughter in law , all are criminal my dear , check the 498A , DV act .

 
At 20:24, Blogger Swarup said...

"the most beautiful word ever spoken my the mankind is mother".

Sorry my dear , as per LAW she is a criminal worse than a accused of TADA/POTA in 498a and DV act.

A young energetic 21st century daughter in law , if fail to get her so called whole sale free lincence , first your mother will be behind the bar with out any investigation .

This is the reality , you can kill a person in the open publice for abuse or insult of your mother , but you can not do any thing when in her own home a daugher in law abuse , her , refuse to give the food , refuse to give a small medical facility , throw dirty water on to her .. Check the 1000 of ABHAGI MAA..

 
At 20:26, Blogger Anushka said...

Yes Nabeel

You have said it well too.
The most beautiful word is 'mother'

Thanks for visiting my blog and the appreciation.

Anushka

 
At 20:28, Blogger Swarup said...

its really commendable to be able to do multitasking

- Yes very right , as all the men are only either rapist or dowry seeker .

Good , history wittness , how men fooled by women and sacrifice their own life let it be Ramayana or Mahabarata .

Today people say supernakha our heroin , she was a cool women , as a result today we find only Modern ravans , no modern laxman , thank of Rape LAW , 498A and proposed DV act .

 
At 20:33, Blogger Swarup said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 20:43, Blogger Anushka said...

Swarup

No personal attacks on my blogs especially to Nabeel or anyother of my friends who leaves a comment on my blog.

My views are very clear and true.

They are not in anyway deriding the opposite gender.

I admire the relentless efforts NCW has put in over the past decades towards upliftment of the dignity of women. Thanks to their social work and sacrifices, many women today have the respected status that they merit. Their inexorable work is really commendable.

Once again kindly note that my merely pointing out the multi faceted roles of women does not mean am belittling the others.

I hope you got the point.

 
At 20:54, Blogger Anushka said...

Swarup

There goes another one!! I had to delete your comment.

I told you no personal attacks on my blog to anyone.

I ask you to quote any statement from my post where I have derided the opposite gender.

I respect men who are worthy and I come across many such decent highly cultured men in my life.

Each person has their own core values and maintain a code of conduct to earn respect regardless of gender.

With the type of language you use, you definately are not earning any respect for yourself.

 
At 22:28, Blogger Swarup said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 08:56, Anonymous Sumanth said...

A women must never be a HOME MAKER.

Whatever you have listed above are available if a man pays a small price.

A woman/wife must go out, earn and contribute half of her salary to run the family.

There must be perfect Gender Equity.


Being Home Maker must be considered illegal in India.

 
At 16:19, Blogger Anushka said...

Sumanth

Your quotes in brackets[ ]

Who are you to decide what a women should do or not?

So much so for your talk on shaming indian family.

In your comment you have very well chosen to ignore status of a mother. ie[A woman/wife must..]

Probably you don't have one and have no legal & moral identity of your upbringing. Therefore you leech only on monetary things and seem to think a small of amount of money can buy everything.[Whatever you have listed above are available if a man pays a small price] Does speaks volumes from where you come from!! Probably no where.


Also your idea of contributing half the money does indicate how you must have tortured your wife into dowry harrassement.

A complete real man can do several other things that a woman cant do and vice-versa. Thats how they IDEALLY COMPLIMENT each other, with mutual love & respect, thus lead a happy family life.

Gender Equity is a result of only when mutual respect for each other takes place.

Thats how Gender Equity and Synergy can exist.

 
At 10:09, Anonymous Sumanth said...

Same way, who are the feminazies to tell men whether they prefer Virgins or Prostitutes ?

It is men's choice.

Till feminazies do not stop telling men what to do or what not to do, we will keep telling women what to do or what not to do.

 
At 12:25, Blogger Anushka said...

[Till feminazies do not stop telling men what to do or what not to do, we will keep telling women what to do or what not to do. ]

Sumanth

Good keep following us, copy us and react. I love it. There is no need to be active or proactive. Leave that to us.
We will be the trend-setters and you can be trend-followers.


[Same way, who are the feminazies to tell men whether they prefer Virgins or Prostitutes ?]

what is 'same way ' mean ?? what same way?

I defy you to quote from my post when did I say or talk about female's preferences regarding what kind of men they want.

You are going off track, totally pyched out.

This blog is not meant for vulgar cheap comemnts that you give vent to so deperately.

COMMENTS CLOSED.

 
At 21:18, Blogger politically_incorrect_guy said...

Our Current Economic System (not only in India but throughout the world) does not value house work because it is not monetised - ... let me put it this way. You are a single woman and working and earning lot of money. You hire a maid to cook your food and clean your home, the maid gets paid and so the work has some monetary value. You then sack the maid and do it all yourself. Guess what, the whole work you do is not of any monetary value.

Housewifes aka homemakers face same predicament, because their work is not measured by statisticians of being of any monetary value.... so according to economists and the general media, homework adds no material value to the economy and so it is about being a bored lazy housewife. Funny system , no one even the great feminists like Amartya Sen have said anything on this. I think we should change this first.

 
At 22:55, Blogger Anushka said...

Hi Politically incorrect guy

Homemakers do not seek monetary recognition. It is unconditional love from her side...and love has no monetary value.

They love what they do and if they seek anything- its only appreciation.

Though I like the way you perceived it from an economics angle...my fav subject way back:))

I am not sure whether Amartya Sen has ever said anything on this. I guess not.

 
At 01:32, Blogger politically_incorrect_guy said...

Hi Anushka,

Things like love and appreciation are of no tangible value to the larger society. Monetary benefits are what that our larger political/social system recognises. even in advanced countries, housework is not computed as part of GDP/GNP and it is infact considered as unproductive time. Yes neither Amarthya Sen nor anyone of the feministic scholars have considered it, since none of them can get out of their straightjacketed thinking and their own hidden biases. If there is someway House work can be given legal recognition and monetary value attached to it, the condition of women would vasty improve. I am not telling women should not go for jobs etc...dont mistake me, ideally all women should get jobs outside home. But let us admit that jobs are not in plenty and atleast in immediate future, millions of women (even in Abroad) have not much career options outside house -work...so giving legal and monetary recognition would do far more to empower women than things like women's day and like. That is my point.

 
At 02:50, Blogger Anushka said...

Firstly thanks for taking interest and putting your views across.

If household work is given a monetary value it will defeat the purpose of a woman being the Selfless Nurturer.

She does it because it comes naturally to her.

Its second nature to her.

 

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